So. It’s been a while.

First, I want to apologize for the length of this post. I don’t normally like to get so personal on my website, because, well, it’s my life and it’s personal… but I feel for some reason that I need to post all this. So if you don’t want to read, just delete from memory and move on to your next website.

I’d like to thank everyone for all the emails I’ve received, asking about how I’m doing, when I’m racing, what I’m up to, and just, in general, giving me continued support.

I know a lot of you have been wondering where I’ve been and if I’m even still alive (no kidding, I got a message on Facebook from some one that saw me race Eagleman last year asking me if I had died because he heard from someone that I was dead… I guess that when I responded back he got his answer).

So the short answer is, YES, I am still very much alive and kickin’ (as we say ‘round these parts). And well. Actually, I’ve never been better.

A lot has been going on in my life. And I think it’s finally time that I’m honest- with everyone. I’ve been honest with myself for quite some time, but that doesn’t mean that you can read my mind and just know what’s going on. Hints why I’ve gotten emails asking if I’m alive.

I’ve needed a break from a lot of things these past several months. Especially from training and racing. The sheer thought of racing repulsed me. And, living the dedicated professional athlete lifestyle for so many years now… I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself.

Things started to fall apart mid year last year, and I finally figured out after I was hit by a truck and forced to NOT train why exactly that was… I was burned out.

And it wasn’t like I was burned out just a little and needed a month or whatever off and take my off season break… I was burned out to the point I didn’t know if I would race again. Heck, I didn’t know if I would touch my bike again.

I feel like my burn out actually began my last season as a professional cyclist. A lot of things were going on with Joe being in Germany and my shoulder being separated. Sometimes I thought it was the injury that was causing me to second guess my career as an athlete, but I was actually “broken” at the Tri Peaks Cycling Challenge that year. I didn’t really want to ride, I didn’t want to race, all I wanted was… well, I didn’t know. I did know that Joe was really far away, I was not liking the bike, and that was messing with my whole reality because, well, I’ve always loved my bike ever since I learned how to clip in.

I transitioned to being a professional triathlete last year, which I thought would fix my lack of motivation because I wouldn’t be traveling near as much and that would keep me closer to Joe… fixing the anxiety I felt being away from him months at a time.

Well, the key difference, in looking back, to my “big tri training” at the beginning of the year compared to the “big bike training” I did at the beginning of my last season as a cyclist was that I really needed to meet up with people to go train. I needed someone to be there to make myself go out and do that 5 hour ride on the bike, I needed to have someone hold me accountable for those long workouts. Not really so much on the run and swim… but definitely on the bike.

Last year started off great. I jumped head first into the pro ranks with a provisional upgrade due to my results as a professional cyclist. I had a solid finish in my first 70.3 in California, went on to a win at Powerman Alabama, and then racked up second at Memphis in May. But then the nagging injuries flared up. Workouts didn’t feel great, which they hadn’t really in over a year. Sure I could push myself when I had to, but I hated it. It felt bad, just making it not very enjoyable. I never really told anyone this… even myself. I did what most athletes do… ignore the way I felt and just kept on going, HOPING that it would get better.

Well, it didn’t.

The injuries and imbalances I developed on my left side (however I managed to do that… who knows!) really got the better of me. To the point where I could barely get power to the bike much less propel myself through the run at long course tri worlds last year in France.

I took time off when I got home. Six weeks. That should make it better.

Well, it didn’t.

I still felt awkward on the bike and in the pool. But I trudged on.

During this time at home, surfing the internet for hours and checking my email until I was bored to death, I decided that I needed to get out of the house. I needed more to my life.

That is when I decided to start substitute teaching in Wake County. It was a great way for me to get out, make a little money, and stay flexible for training. I could also use my degree in education, which of course made my parents happy (after all, they paid for me to get through college).

I really enjoyed getting back in the classroom. I was kind of surprised… I don’t know why, but I was. Every day I would call my mom and tell her about my day. It was a great opportunity to figure out what area I really liked teaching. I subbed at elementary schools, middle schools, and high schools.

Then, the first day I was going to do a run after my time off, I was hit by the truck out in the middle of no where while riding my cross bike.

WHAT?

So that really helped my mental motivation state.

I again faced more forced time off, but this time I had the substitute teaching to fall back on to keep me occupied during all my unwanted “free” time. It was during this time that I really fell in love with teaching all over again, and I discovered a curriculum in Special Programs called Curriculum Assistance (CA) that helps all of the learning disabled and ADD/ADHD students. I never knew this program existed until I subbed at Athens Drive, but from the moment I subbed in that area, I knew that I’d LOVE to teach it full-time.

I was asked by our department chair if I’d be interested in teaching full time because one of the 9th grade CA teachers was retiring. I jumped at the chance. My parents were shocked. Joe was shocked. But ultimately, they were supportive of me, as they always are, unconditionally.

Not only was my family supportive, but my coach, Sonni Dyer, was also extremely supportive. He could tell that I needed some sort of balance in my life, and that the many years of one-sided training and racing lifestyle had just completely flipped me upside down. He wasn’t only supportive, he pushed me to go forward with my desire to teach… and he didn’t push my workouts.

I’ve done a lot of reflection the past 6 months. It’s taken a lot to find myself. But I’ve done that. And I’m amazed at the change I’ve seen in myself.

I’m now happily teaching full time at Athens Drive High School in special programs. This year I am teaching 9th grade CA, but next year I will be the Behavior Support Teacher and work with all the emotionally disabled and behavior challenged students. I am SO excited about it, although I know most people think I’m crazy.

I’ve went from not wanting to touch my bike for months on end to I can’t keep my hands off my bike for more than a day. I wake up every morning before school to run (and our school starts at 7:25am, so you do the math to figure out what time I actually wake up). I count the hours until I can get out to do my second workout of the day… whether it be a swim, bike, run, or a lift… or a combination.

I know part of finding peace with myself was transitioning from the road to the mountain bike this winter. It kinda makes sense that I’d find peace and tranquility in the heart of the woods… and every time I ride my mountain bike there’s something deeper I discover about myself. I suppose it’s a lot like running, being alone and on a trail in the middle of the woods has always been my calling… just like on the road bike I like to be climbing and surrounded by mountains. There is a pattern here that I’ve discovered… it takes the mountains and the purity of nature to help me find myself when I need it most. That is why it was so hard for me the past 6 months when I couldn’t find joy in those precious and sacred moments.

This season, because of my love of the mountain bike, I will be racing Xterra’s and several endurance mountain bike events. It’s yet another challenge and transition that I look forward to. And I know that I can master.

Looking back, I see the events of the past couple years and realize that all of those things added up have brought me to where I am right now. Would I change anything? No. I’ve become a stronger person mentally and physically. I’m more balanced, and in a way it’s helped me to see “who’s in, and who’s out” in supporting me unconditionally. I love teaching. I love training and racing. Now I can do both… and kick ass at both.

All of that said, I would like to thank all of my sponsors who continue to stand by me, especially Sonni and Studio 7 Multisport.

Soon I will be posting a more complete schedule for the season. And I’ll be updating regularly again.

Sorry for such a long post, but hopefully that didn’t bore you too much and you now have a better understanding what I’ve been going through the past half year.